This was posted on facebook, and the author allowed me to share it here. It is such a poignant distillation of some of the complex emotions about our families and mothers that many adoptees carry.
“I reunited with my birth mother in 1997 but have not seen her since. This morning my Korean half brother messaged me and told me that she saw the kids’ pictures on FB. He also told me she had surgery for cancer in May. It’s so weird to hear about such a big life event after the fact, so casually.
I asked if he had a recent picture of her because I have not seen her since 1997. I didn’t realize that she was with him and he sent this picture. It’s surreal to see a picture of her now as an older lady. And to feel so disconnect to her, my mother, the one who carried me in her womb, that I am related to by blood. Seeing this picture made me cry with so many different emotions. Happy to see what she looks like now. Sad that I don’t know much about her. Grateful that I was adopted and given an amazing family. Sad that she doesn’t know her only grandchildren. Guilty that I long for a maternal relationship with her when I have such an amazing adoptive Mom…
I so want to tidy up this story with a neat ending…but I can’t…this is the realities of adoption… “
– Mea Fajardo, 2016